MooGiOh
by Yami-AJ Yu-Yu-InuCaptor
Summary: Ever wonder...7 mystical items known as the Decade Items have fallen into the hands of a group of young farmers.It's time to MOO!WARNING : Randomness. Better than it sounds


**Yami AJ: ** Hi hi! I'm Yami AJ **:points to pen name:** Anyway, as with all my first chappies I don't ramble much in the beginning so let's get straight to the pointlessness . This is an idea that my friend Peggy and I came up with last summer while we were bored at home. Hope you like it!

**Disclaimer**: Peggy and I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh, we do however own the farm animals, the plot (haven't got a plot) and story, the hobo, the random cloaked people and all the other stuff that we own.

**Enjoy!**

**WARNING:** RANDOMNESS, STUPIDNESS, WEIRDNESS, and more RANDOMNESS, you have been warned.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

**Moo-Gi-Oh**

_Nearly ten years ago there existed a patent so powerful slash useless slash pointless it had to be shoved in a filing cabinet until it could be produced in limited quantities. But due to the cheapness of the manufacturers, they decided only one of each item was to be made. The patent has been put into action and its results have ended up in the hands of seven young farmers. Somehow ancient spirits have ended up in some of the items…. Not just any items…._

_**The decade items**! Seven MYSTICAL objects from Egypt **:cough:** CHINA- containing MYSTICAL POWERS! The one who holds them all will rule to world and all its farmssssssssssss! The Decade Hoe, one of the most powerful items ended up in the hands of a young man called Ryou, thrusting upon him the evil spirit Bakura!** DUN DUN DUN**! The dangerous Decade Cowbell, is in the hands Malik Ishtar; his hatred for the hit songs 'Heal the World', 'Cry me a river' and 'We are the World, We are the Children' creating an evil spirit; Marik! **DUM DUM DUMMMM**! Shadi, the mysterious traveling salesman obtained two of the Decade items, the Decade Key and the Decade scale, using them for seeing into your mind…if you have one. The crazy Maxamillion Pegasus had in his possession the Decade shot-glass, until it was won in a poker game by Bakura; the loss of his decade item drove him to dedicate his life to his idol Funny Bunny and other useless things. Isis Ishtar, the intelligent sister of the lazy Malik Ishtar possesses the Decade Almanac. And Yugi Motou, owner of the sought after Decade Milker, solved the mystery of the Milker releasing Yami, his occasionally stuttering taller side!_

_Now, its time to M-M-M-M-M-MOO!_

……………………………………………………………………………………………

The sun rose slowly over the hills, its warm light slowly beginning to cover the land. Dew was on the grass, the air cool after the rain. A rooster took its perch, un-ruffling his feathers after the peaceful night. Ryou smiled as he watched the rooster from the kitchen window, slowly sipping his tea. The rooster crowed once, neck stretched. Ryou fixed the collar of his pajamas and wiggled his toes in his bunny slippers. He gave an angelic smile, a mysterious wind blowing his perfect hair.

The chicken crowed again, a bullet flying out of nowhere, hitting the chicken in the head. Ryou tipped his tea on his shirt as Bakura came thumping down the stairs in his boxers. "Someone just shot one of our roosters," Ryou gasped, pointing to the chicken corpse on the picket-fence as his yami grabbed the decade item from Ryou and turned the light on with the Hoe.

Bakura smiled. "So," he said bluntly. "Oooooopsss, I just tipped your seasoned chicken on the floor," Bakura mumbled, pointing to what Ryou had intended on cooking for dinner. "Now we'll have to eat raw steak! MWAHAHHAHA!"

Ryou slapped himself. "This day is already terribly horrible. It can't get much worse." The chicken exploded, chicken blood and parts hitting the window.

……………………

Anzu looked at her clock, it was 6:00; she had woken up late. She stretched and got out of bed, it was good for a farmer to begin the day early. She put on her pink slippers and grabbed her pink towel, walking to her bathroom. She turned on the light and smiled at herself in the mirror.

"It's going to be a great day," she told herself with a bright smile. She heard the doorbell ring. "Looks like one of my friends came to visit me," she said aloud, talking to herself like a schizophrenic. She skipped downstairs, and opened the front door, feeling cold in her (nearly) knee-long, pink nightdress. "Hello?" she said noticing no one was there. She shrugged, looking down at the door step. "AHHHHHHHHH!" she screamed, a car alarm going off. She screamed some more, staring at the dead rabbit on her door step. She shook her head, the rabbit exploding, covering her in blood and rabbit guts.

…………………………………………

Kaiba woke up in his unnecessarily large bed, silk sheets soft against his bare chest. He yawned and removed his protected deck from under his pillow, saying good morning to the Blue-Eyes White Dragons on his pants. "Did you sleep well my Blue eyes?" Kaiba asked the cards that were within the metal, padlocked, digital coded strong box. He struggled to sit due to his other piece of clothing, so he decided to kneel…which was still hard.

"Why do you keep talking to it?" Mokuba asked from beside Kaiba.

"It makes them stronger. Yes it does. Yes it does," Kaiba answered, rubbing his face against the box. "You should know that Mok-MOKUBA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY BED!"

Mokuba smirked, leaning forward in his KC stamped PJ's. "Well Seto," he said in a deep, masculine voice. "I was lonely." Kaiba looked at his brother oddly, doing a back flip out of his bed, landing perfectly on the floor, his coat blowing mysteriously. "Seto……..why do you keep on sleeping in your coat?"

"Because I do!" Kaiba shouted.

"Does it make you happy?" Mokuba asked, crawling on all fours to the edge of the bed.

"Yes."

"So it gives you pleasure?"

"Yeah I g- NO MOKUBA! NOOO! I WANT YOU TO STOP GOING DRINKING WITH SHADI the mysterious salesman!" Mokuba moved his eyebrows up and down suggestively, Kaiba trying to scratch out his eyes until someone knocked on his door. "WHAT?"

"Ahem, you have a package Mr. Kaiba," one of his minions/ hired-hands informed him. Kaiba walked to the door, opening it and snatching the box from the man outside his door. The man stared at the trench-coat-wearing Kaiba and raised an eyebrow. "Nice pants Mr. Kaiba."

"I didn't ask for your opinion so keep quiet, if I need another speech on the heart of the cards I'LL TELL YOU!" Kaiba shouted.

"I'm so emotionally damaged; I'm going to hand over my titles as 'King of Games' and 'Prince of the Ponies' to you Kaiba."

"YES!BECAUISE I AM SUPERIOR TO YOU YUGI! HAHHAHAHHAH!"

"Good job Mr. Kaiba."

"I know. Take Mokuba and go do something………. useful like feed the horses. I'm going to be busy."

"You created machines to do that."

"Fine. Go feed Mokuba then……make him watch a video on the negative affects of alcohol and crap," Kaiba said, shooing the man away, Mokuba groping the air as he was dragged away. Kaiba slammed the door closed, searching for an address of origin. Finding none, Kaiba opened the box anyway, dropping it on the floor when he saw the dead rabbit inside of it. "What hell?" The rabbit exploded, guts and blood flying everywhere. Kaiba wiped his face and glared. "Who cares…….at least it didn't get on MY BLUES EYES WHITE DRAGON SHEETS! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Kaiba shrieked, looking at the speck of blood on his silk, Blue-Eyes pattern sheets. "AHHHHHHHHH! NOOOOO! IT HURTS!" Kaiba screamed in pain, doubling over and holding his stomach.

"What's happening to Mr. Kaiba?" the sunglasses-wearing minion asked.

Mokuba's eyebrows moved up and down in a suggestive fashion. "Oh la la," Mokuba said. "It looks like he's getting busy."

…………………………………………

Malik and Marik tiptoed to the Wheelers doorstep, looking both ways before dropping a dead rabbit on it. Malik stepped on a twig, Marik slapping him punishment. "Be quiet," Marik hissed. "The only sound we're supposed to make is our quiet cackling as we melt into the shadows."

"Ouch, you didn't have to slap me. I'm sensitive," Malik hissed back. "Mwahahahhhaa," he cackled quietly. "I don't think Ryou liked that we shot a mini-grenade into one of his chickens…" Marik nodded, pulling out a megaphone.

"MWHAHAHHAHAHA!" Marik cackled into the megaphone, birds flying off. "You have to be subtle," Marik whispered with a smile, the light in Joey's room turning on. "Now, it's time to melt into the shadows." Malik and Marik jumped into a bush, a rabid squirrel attacking them and attempting to rip off piece of Marik's ear. "NO!MOMMY! HELP ME!"

"I'LL SAVE YOU!" Malik screamed. "MOON WARRIOR BAT-PRINCESS POWER!" The squirrel and Marik stopped attacking each other and watched as Malik pulled out his cowbell. They shook their heads as the blonde Egyptian jumped into another bush, reappearing in a pleated black skirt, brown leather bustier, large black cape and knee-high rainbow boots. "IN THE NAME OF THE MOON I WILL IYA YA YA YAYAAAAAAAAA!" Malik proclaimed, letting out a battle cry. The squirrel and Marik continued fighting, Malik kicking the furry woodland mammal into Marik's head.

"OWWWWW! MY HEAD!" Marik screamed. "MA-"

"DON'T SAY MY NAME!" Malik shouted, ripping the squirrel off his yami's face and kicking it into the distance. "I DON'T WANT WHEELER FINDING OUT THAT IT WAS US WHO PUT THE RABBIT ON HIS DOORSTEP!"

"US! YOU MEAN ME, MARIK, AND YOU, MALIK ISHTAR, AGE 16, BROTHER OF ISIS ISHTAR, HOLDER OF THE DECADE COWBELL THAT LIVES NEXT DOOR TO RYOU AND BAKURA?"

"EXACTLY! SO KEEP IT DOWN! LET'S ROLL!" Malik ordered, pulling a remote from Marik's hair and pressing a red button. A car that looked exactly like the Bat mobile pulled up, Malik letting out another war cry as she did a back flip into the driver's seat, moon and star shaped sequins raining from his hair. "HURRY BATGIRL!"

"I'M COMING SAILOR WARRIOR-MAN!" Marik shouted, his shirt getting stuck as he tried to get away.

"HURRY! WHEELER IS COMING!"

Marik pulled off his shirt, jumping into the car, the pair speeding off as Joey opened his door. He looked at the dead animal on his step and yawned, picking it up and throwing it into the trash behind him. "Who keeps on doing this…….." he mumbled, stepping outside in his bunny-rabbit covered night-shirt and shorts. "Hey look, a shirt tangled in my bush….." Joey continued, plucking the piece of clothing from the plant and looking at the message it had printed on it in bold black letters. He yawned again –eyes half open- and read out loud. "'This shirt is the property of Marik the Great, the yami of Malik Ishtar, born in Egypt, neighbor of Ryou and Bakura. If you don't know, my name is Marik. "

Joey dropped the shirt on the ground, looking at the sky as Serenity came down the stairs and saw the rabbit in the trash. "ANOTHER RABBBIT!" she shrieked.

Joey tightened his fist. "I wish I had some idea as to who could have done this…hey a shoe that says 'MARIK' on it here in my bushes….WHO COULD HAVE DONE THIS?"

……………………………………………

"Why won't Kaiba let us buy any of his 'Lazy Farmer' technology?" Yugi asked as he and Yami fed the chickens. "I wouldn't mind a 'Chicken feeder 1057!'"

"We d-d-d-don't need that d-d-d-dumb machine," Yami said, striking a pose for no reason. "With the heart of the guards, we can do………oh wait, wrong speech." Yugi shook his head.

"We have what really counts! Friends and satellite television! Does Kaiba think that owning a bigger house, making more money, not wearing his school uniform every single day and being all around more publicly successful makes him better than us?" Yugi said with a smile.

Yami nodded. "Yeah, it does- I mean, there's nothing wrong with farming the old fashioned way, putting your heart and soul into what you produce," Yami said knowledgeably, the chickens beginning to attack Yugi because he had stopped feeding them.

"You're right Yami!" Yugi smiled as he nursed his bleeding hand. "I can't believe I ever questioned what we do!" he grinned, running to the house to get some hydrogen peroxide to clean his peck wounds.

Yami dropped the chicken feed on the ground in a pile, the chickens dog-piling to get some. "Wait a second…..if we put our heart and soul into everything then won't they come to life as an extension of us and be our minions…OR will we die because we're giving away our heart and soul...isn't giving away your soul evil……….Whatever."

………………………………

Bakura sat lazing in the house, thankful for Kaiba's 'Lazy Farmer' technology. Ryou was outside, spending time with his doves, doing some useless crap like feeding them or giving them water and love.

"Welcome back to Jerry Springer," Jerry Springer said.

"Thank-you Jerry," Bakura said, still in only his boxers since he hadn't bothered to have a shower yet.

"Today we have twisted love triangles." The audience gave an 'ohhhhhhhhhhhh'.

"Not twisted love triangles,' Bakura said dryly, slapping a hand to his face.

"What are you watching?" Ryou asked as he came into the living room, dressed in a white vest, blue jeans and the sheath-like object on his back in which he kept the Hoe.

"Jerry Springer."

"That program is useless…." Bakura looked at Ryou then threw a shoe at him.

"So are you Ryou, but you don't hear me moaning."

"No, we don't hear you moaning. If we did, we'd be perverted!" Malik and Marik said walking into Ryou's living room. Ryou and Bakura stared at Malik's clothes and Marik's lack of a shirt and shoe. They didn't want to know why Malik was wearing his disguise.

"What?" Ryou asked, not understanding the perverted comment that had been shared among the Egyptians.

"I told you freaks to knock," Bakura mumbled as Malik and Marik went to sit down on Ryou's white carpet.

"I told you to take your shoes off," Ryou snapped, pointing to their dirty feet on his clean floors. Marik and Malik went back outside and knocked on the door.

"WHO THE HELL IS IT!"

"It's Sailor Warrior-Man and Batgirl!" Marik shouted. Malik punched him.

"Don't say that out loud!" Malik hissed as Ryou opened the door.

"Oh, what a pleasant surprise, won't you go home?" Ryou said politely.

"You're cranky today Ryou," Malik said as she put his shoes next to the door and followed Marik into the living room.

"It's because you shot one of my chickens."

"Oh….here, have some money to feel better!" Malik said, handing Ryou a wad of cash. "My family's rich so I can give you wads of cash for killing your chickens."

"Ryou, why did you let those bitches in the house?" Bakura asked. Ryou shrugged. "Go put a shirt on; you're too exposed in only that vest!" Ryou growled and stomped up the stairs.

"I hate farming," Marik mumbled. "It's so hard."

"We don't do anything," Malik said to his yami. "All we do is put those machines on in the morning and drive the stuff to the market one a week….it's so exhausting!"

"You two are lazy. That's why you'll never be better than me. But even if you tried you couldn't be better than me!" Kaiba said confidently, Mokuba standing behind him. Bakura didn't know when they got and didn't care, deciding he would have to get an animal to guard his house….like a ferret. "You ignorant wenches lack any intelligent substance. A hoe, your Hoe and the cowbell have more of a brain that any of you…all of you are completely pathetic, except the English one who isn't here."

Marik raised an eyebrow. "Yugi is better that you," he said quickly.

Kaiba doubled over. "THAT WAS A LOW BLOW! DON'T USE THAT KIND OF LANGUAGE WHILE MOKUBA'S HERE!"

"AHHH! MOKUBA!" Malik screamed, scuttling backwards into a corner. "GET HIM AWAY FROM ME! GET HIM AWAY!" Malik screamed hysterically, curling into a ball.

"DON'T COME NEAR HIM YOU MONSTER!" Marik said defensively, creating a human shield. "YOU MAKE ME SICK!"

Kaiba looked at Mokuba. "What are these freaks talking about, Mokuba?" Kaiba asked.

"I don't know," Mokuba sniffed innocently. "I really don't know, big brother!"

Kaiba looked back at the blondes in the corner. "What's wrong with you! Other than the fact that you're not as good, and will never be, as good as me?"

Marik stood up in the defense of his other side. "YOUR CLIENT SEXUALLY HARASSED MY CLIENT AT A BAR LAST NIGHT! WE HAVE WITNESSES SUCH AS BAKURA AND SHADI THE MYSTERIOUS SALESMAN!" Marik said, pointing at Kaiba, then at Mokuba then at a transsexual on Jerry Springer.

"You're Crazy," Kaiba said bluntly. Mokuba threw an empty bottle of rum into the corner as his brother looked at him. Malik looked at Mokuba in horror, the young brunette making hip pumping gestures with a grin.

"GET HIM AWAY! GET HIM AWAAAYYYY!" Malik sobbed.

"Why are you in my house?" Ryou asked from the foot of the stairs.

"Oh, it's you. The mildly sane one," Kaiba said. "We have a Secret Farmer Co-Op meeting today."

"Not here. It's at your house…so go away. I'm going to ask someone for a chicken for me to make for dinner."

"WHAT ABOUT MY MEAT!" Bakura screamed as Ryou put on his shoes.

"Stop moaning Bakura!"

"WHY WON'T YOU JUST LET ME HAVE IT? IT'S NOT LIKE IT WILL HURT YOU!"

"I'M NOT GIVING IT TO YOU! SO STOP MOANING!"

"YOU HAVEN'T HEARD MOANING YET!" Bakura shouted, following Ryou to the door.

"That all sounded very wrong," Malik said slowly, forgetting about threatening to slap a restraining order on the younger Kaiba brother. Mokuba and Marik nodded in agreement.

"What?" Kaiba said, also not getting the perverted message. "What do you mean?"

…………………………………………………

Bakura had a shower so they could go to Kaiba's house. He had put on a pair of blue jeans and a white shirt. Now they sat in a conference room on the second floor, staring at Kaiba's huge plasma screen.

"Why don't you have any of those sausages on a stick, KAIBA?" Marik asked, lying on Kaiba's highly polished table.

"Because I have chicken wings," Kaiba replied bluntly. "You people are annoying. And you're not even using the code names……….."

"Fine. Where are the chicken wings SeaEO?"

"I don't know," Kaiba mumbled, turning on his television and watching 'the smart channel'. He watched the advert on the screen, Ryou joining him on his leather couch.

'_Are you smart_?" the commercial asked. Ryou and Kaiba nodded. '_Really smart? Then come to our smart convention! Watch the Smart Channel for the date we'll be in your area! And remember, just because you're smart doesn't mean you should think you're higher than everyone…..BECAUSE YOU ARE HIGHER! SO DON'T THINK IT, KNOW IT!'_

"A smart convention?" Malik mumbled, finishing the plate of chicken wings.

"That's dumb," Marik said, pulling his nose up and making pig noises.

"What was the purpose of this meeting?" Ryou questioned.

"Oh yeah, first of all we were supposed to discuss how to take the title of 'Prince of Ponies' away from Yugi and Yami, and we were supposed to be nosy and find out who's moving into the neighborhood," Kaiba said. "And we are supposed to discuss who is going to enter the Mr. Harvest competition to beat Yugi and Yami if they decide to enter."

"That's dumb, SeaEO," Marik mumbled.

"Why don't we just beat Yugi up, and steal the title?" Malik asked.

"I can enter the competition; I am the most gorgeous and all around sexy," Marik said with a sigh. "It's hard being beautiful," he continued, touching his but with his finger and making a sizzling sound. "Ohhh HOT!"

"You people are useless, get out of my house," Kaiba shouted. "I can't work under such dumb conditions. YOU! BRITISH ONE! You can stay because you have half a brain." Ryou sweatdropped as the others began to leave.

"Oh no you didn't," Bakura yelled, snapping his fingers in front of Kaiba's face. "NO ONE INSULTS MY HIKARI EXCEPT ME, MALIK and MARIK!" Ryou hit himself with a magazine.

Kaiba put his hand out. "Step back," he yelled, snapping his fingers. "I can insult who ever I like. So step!" Bakura and Kaiba glared at each other, before beginning to bitch slap each other…pathetically. Ryou walked away, Malik and Marik following minutes later, pretending they didn't know either of them.

…………………………………………………

Yugi walked slowly through the cornfields, jumping as he heard something behind him. "Yami?" he called. He continued walking, leaves rustling behind him. He began to run, screaming Yami's name until he came to a clearing in the stalks. Yugi stared at the perfect circle of flattened corn-stalks, walking to the centre and looking around.

"Greetings," a voice beeped from behind him. He turned slowly, his hair causing wind resistance.

"Oh my goodness!" Yugi squealed. "IT'S ET!" The alien blinked, it was three times as tall as Yugi and was black and scaly. Its eyes were slit-like and a ruby red and its mouth was lined with razor sharp teeth. "I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN! I'VE SEEN ALL YOUR MOVIES! MY FRIENDS WILL BE SO JEALOUS!"

"Yugi are you alright? The heart of the cards said you needed my help!" Yami shouted, bursting into the circle. "YUGI! GET AWAY FROM THAT THING!" Yami screamed in a high-pitched lady voice as he pulled Yugi away from the creature's clawed hand. He slapped the alien with a handbag.

"I mean you no harm," the alien said, reaching out to them.

"TURN AWAY YUGI! THIS PERVERT ISN'T EVEN WEARING CLOTHES! I KNOW WHAT YOU REALLY ARE!" Yami screamed, pointing a spade at the extraterrestrial. The alien stepped back.

"You do?" **o.o;;;;;**

"YEAH! YOU'RE ONE OF THOSE SEXUAL PREDATORS! DON'T TRY AND FOOL ME! I WATCH AMERICA'S MOST WANTED! I KNOW THE SIGNS!"

"No Yami!" Yugi cried. "He's my friend! Look he even made us this pretty circle-picture…thing."

The alien nodded, saliva dripping from its mouth. "NO! ON LAW AND ORDER THEY SAID THAT PREDATORS TRY TO GET CHILDREN TO COME WITH THEM BY GIVING THEM GIFTS OR DRESSING UP LIKE THEIR FAVOURITE CHARACTER! I KNOW YOU'RE TRYING TO BE BRITANY SPEARS TO LURE YUGI AWAY BUT YOU WON'T GET HIM ON MY WATCH!"

The alien shrugged, turned around and walked away. "You scared away my friend!" **O.O **Yugi cried, running away in the opposite direction.

Yami glared at the circle and smirked triumphantly. "Not on my watch buddy. NOT ON MY WATCH!"

…………………………………………………

Joey walked into town and looked at the ground. "Hey, a penny!" he said, picking it up and putting it in his pocket.

"YOU HAVE STOLEN FROM US!" a ninja proclaimed, landing in front of Joey. "THAT WAS A PENNY BELONGING TO THE BLUE-FOWL NINJA CLAN!" Joey threw the penny at him and walked away. The ninja cried; the penny had hit him in the face.

"Hey Mai!" he called as he walked into the post office slash general store slash gun emporium. The general store was a gigantic department-store in the middle of town that had two employees; Mai and someone who no one ever saw.

"What do you want?" she asked from behind the gun counter.

"Chocolate syrup….we're having a milking party at Yug's house. Wanna come?"

"I'll check my schedule."

"I'll check my hair," a strange man said strangely.

"Who are you? I've near seen you around these parts."

"I, Madame, am Mr.Dartz." He bowed in his lavender suit, Mai and Joey raising eyebrows.

"That's an ugly name," Joey snorted after paying for his syrup. Dartz coughed loudly.

"Anyway, I'm looking for a room to rent for a few of my associates, would you happen to know a place?" Mai ignored him completely, filing her nails.

"Just one room?" Dartz nodded. "I have one…it's not that big."

"It'll do! Five thousand a month."

O.O "FIVE THOUSAND! YOU COULD RENT AN APARTMENT WITH THAT!"

"I know, but I'm feeling too lazy to look for one. The tenants will arrive at your house tomorrow. Toodles!"

"What ever," Mai snorted, as Joey followed the suit-wearing man outside.

"Wait!" Joey shouted.

"What is it?" Dartz asked impatiently.

"I haven't given you my address, how will you know where to come."

"I already know where you live," he smirked.

"You may know where he lives, but it won't save you any money on car insurance," Mai reminded them. Dartz nodded sadly.

"I must depart! I'm off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of ham! Because, because, because, because, becausssssssssssse, because of the wonderful slices he cuts! I'm off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of ham!"

"Huh?" Joey blurted loudly.

"There goes a sad man," Mai mumbled, as Joey stood there in his green overalls. Dartz climbed on a goat that was covered in bumper stickers and rode away. "I just remembered something."

"What?"

"Serenity called, your house is on fire." Joey disappeared down the road, screaming his head off. "Sucker."

…………………………………………………

Anzu was outside planting the last flower seed in the packet. She got up and wiped sweat off her brow. "I think I'll go see Yugi or another one of my friends," she said out loud- again. She changed her clothes and began walking down the road until she came to Yugi and Yami's gate. "YUGI!" she called. He didn't answer so she opened the gate and walked in. "Yami?"

"Greetings," a voice called from the bushes. She turned slowly, screaming when she saw the scaly figure.

"OH MY GOSH!" the alien backed up. "YOU'RE RELATED TO GODZILLA….WAIT! YOU'RE ET! MY FRIENDS WILL BE SO JEALOUS! But I won't rub it in their faces because a true friend would never show-off. Friends are good to have, they make the world go round, and with love and the power of friendship you can do anything. I love my friends, they mean a lot to me. Do have friends? Friends are a must! They make the world go round! I have tons of friends, like Yugi, Joey, Serenity, Tristian, Duke, and Mai and even though he won't admit it, Kaiba. Kaiba needs extra friendship, because inside everyone's bright, perky heart there is a friend struggling to get out!" The alien gagged and walked away but Anzu continued talking until Yugi poked her.

"Hey Anzu," he said happily.

"Oh Yugi! I saw ET!" Yugi jumped up and down.

"Me too! But Yami scared him away!' Yami walked out of the corn field holding an elephant gun and a hunting rifle, he had on a large checkered hat and overalls and a red shirt.

"Sshhhh! I'm hunting sexual predators!" he said, looking both ways before he bent forwards and ran with his arms behind him.

"Yami, what are you doing?"

Yami pressed himself against the fence and looked both ways again. "It's the spy walk Yugi. Learn it. Master it. Use the skills of the spy," Yami whispered, putting on a pair of dark glasses and throwing himself on the ground. He dug around in his pocket and pulled out a Duel Monsters Card. "It's the Mystical Elf; with the power of destiny she will guide me to my foe! HEART OF THE CARDS, GIUDE ME!" The wind blew, Yami's card blown towards the house.

"Ummm, Yami, I t-" Yugi began before Yami put his hand up to signal silence.

"Don't worry, Hikari. The heart of the cards will protect me from this new opponent….." Yami told him, crawling along the ground. Yami didn't get up as Yugi let Joey in, the three staring at Yami who was covering himself in dust to camouflage against the ground. "Be careful not to step on me while I'm '_blending'_." They walked to the door step, Yami jumping into the bushes on either side of the door.

"Ummm…Yami?"

"Don't worry Yugi, I've got your back," Yami said, spinning the chamber of a smaller gun. "The cards will protect me from the new foe!" Anzu picked up the Mystical Elf and put in on the table next to the door.

"Where did you get those guns?" Joey asked, watching as Yami stared down the barrel of the gun.

"Marik gave them to me………"

**:FLASHBACK:**

_Yami walked out of the general store with some grass seeds, three lollypops, a hamster wheel for his goldfish, a Fruits Baskets Manga, a box of Captain Crunch and Cheerios, a pogo stick, bread, ham, tofu, SPAM, sugar, nori, play-dough, chalk, 'Thief Bait' and a box of nails._

"_Hmmm…sugar," Yami thought aloud, taking out his lollypops._

"_NOT SO FAST GANG GREEN GANG!" Bakura shouted from nowhere._

_O.O "Huh?" Yami grunted looking around._

"_NOT SO FAST, YAMI, PHARAOH YAMI!" Bakura screamed, swinging from a rope and grabbing one of Yami's lollypops. "SUCKER!HAHAHAH!"_

"_HEY THAT'S MY CHERRY SUCKER!"_

_Bakura stopped in mid air. "Cherry? I wanted grape….." Bakura swung back, sticking the lollypop in Yami's hair and grabbing another. "Good…MWHAHAHAHAH!" Bakura flipped through the air in his black cape and mask, landing on the back of a black, Arabian stallion. "OLE!" The horse reared and the bandit rode off into the distance. _

"_Huh?" Marik walked up to the general store, walked past Yami, and asked for a cherry lollypop._

"_He bought the last one," Mai said, pointing to Yami. Marik stared into space. Mai poked him with a stick. "Now, go away."_

_Marik nodded, walking outside and banging into Yami. "I want the cherry lollypop. Give it to me," Marik said plainly, holding out his hand. _

"_But they're mine," Yami objected._

"_We can trade."_

"_Sure. What do you have?"_

_Marik dug around in his pockets and pulled out a stick of Winter-fresh gum, a tube of toothpaste, a Charizard keychain, some lint, a paperclip and a screw. Yami stared. "See anything you want?"_

_Yami reached for the keychain. "I wan-"_

"_No you can't have that." Yami pointed to the toothpaste. 'Nope." He pointed to the screw and the paper clip. "Nuh uh. Not the lint either."_

"_The gum, give it to me."_

"_I can't it has sentimental value."_

FLASHBACK WINTHIN THE FLASHBACK

_Marik woke up, tripped over his night-dress and fell down the stairs. "OWW HELP ME MALIK!" he screamed._

_Malik walked past in his 'Ra-stamped' night-shirt and 'DuelMonters' stamped pants. "I told you not to wear a night-dress," Malik grunted._

"_But it has kitty on it…it's so cute." Malik stared at him and yawned, stepping over him and walking up the stairs. Marik got up and dragged himself upstairs._

_Malik suddenly turned around. "I just noticed something. You suck, you haven't brushed your teeth in three days; your breath stinks. Look." Malik threw his other half a piece of Winterfresh gum and stomped away._

_Marik gazed upwards_ _with starry eyes. " sniff My Hikari does care!"_

END FLASHBACK IN FLASHBACK

"_Anyway, what can we trade then?" Yami asked. Marik scratched his head vigorously, three guns falling out of it._

"_How about these?" Marik suggested._

"_What are they?" O.0;;;_

_Marik tried to remember. "OH YEAH!" he picked up the gun and stuck it into the ground. "YOU DIG HOLES WITH IT!" He pulled it out and hit the wall. "OH YEAH, AND YOU CAN BEAT PEOPLE UP WITH THEM!"_

"_Ok," Yami agreed, giving Malik his cherry lollypop and taking the guns. "The cards tell me that I probably won't have to beat anyone, but I can use them for holes……..Ummm…lollypop………."_

**:END FLASHBACK:**

Yugi stared at his other half. "I'll just get our jackets so we can pick up Tristian," he said, quickly retrieving the two items of clothing. He handed Yami his jacket, the Pharaoh pulling off the clothes he had been wearing to reveal the trademark uniform.

"LET'S DUEL!" Yami shouted.

Yugi and Joey dragged Yami out of the gate and dragged him onto the horse cart. "No more coffee for you Yami."

"AWWWWWWWWW!"

…………………………………………………

"I'm leaving!" Ryou shouted.

Bakura stared at him as he ate his corn on the cob. "Why?" he asked rudely.

"We're picking Tristian up from the train-station, remember, he went to visit his sister…."

"I don't care. Leave already then!" Ryou rolled his eyes and left, Bakura glaring at Yami through their tall, black gate.

"DON'T TURN ON THE OVEN!" Ryou shouted from the cart.

"WHY THE HELL NOT!" Bakura shouted back.

"BECAUSE I SAID SO!"

" I DON'T NEED TO LISTEN TO YOU! WHAT ARE YOU, MY MOTHER!"

"MAYBE HE IS!" Joey shouted.

**Ryou and Bakura: o.o;;;;**

"I'M NOT YOUR MOTHER BUT I COOK YOUR FOOD!" Ryou reminded him as they pulled away, shaking the Hoe at them

"Good point," Bakura thought as he slammed the door, and turned to face Malik and Marik "WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE?"

"I don't see your name on it," Marik said, crossing his arms. Bakura ripped out a fistful of Marik's hair.

"I don't see your name on this either!" Malik rolled his eyes as Marik ran outside, saying he was going to the general store to get some Rogaine ( that hair growth thing). "What do you want?"

"Kaiba is suing you," Malik said.

"Really?"

"No." The two stood there until Marik ran in seven minutes later, showing them that all the hair had magically grown back.

"Hurry!" he shouted.

"What is it?" Malik questioned.

"It's ET….he looks a little weird….LET'S GET HIS AUTOGRAPH!" he screamed, dragging Malik and Bakura outside.

Bakura pulled up his jeans as they walked outside, Malik flossing his teeth. "HOLY SHIT!" Bakura screamed, watching as Marik pulled the alien's scaly arm.

"AHHHHH!" Malik squealed, running towards it. "IT'S ET……a freakish, creepy ET!" Bakura stared at them and shook his head. "Maybe this is how his people look when they get older….."

"That thing is some kind of guy in a diseased lizard, Godzilla knock-off suit that wants you to buy mascara," Bakura snorted.

Malik and Marik looked appalled. "YOU KNOW WE ONLY BUY MASCARA FROM DEPARTMENT STORES AND SHADI, the mysterious salesman," they shouted angrily. "Besides, this is ET."

"ET?"

**:BAKURA'S FLASHBACK:**

_Bakura sat in the living room, grumbling as Ryou's friends came in, Yugi sitting beside him and grinning. He smiled, his big, innocent eyes sparkling as he leaned back. "Hello Bakura!" he sang, hugging Bakura. The thief threw himself to the side and ran into the nearest wall, beginning to rub himself against it._

"_I'M INFECTED! GET IT OFF!LIGHT ME ON FIRE!" he screamed. _

"_Please be quiet," Ryou requested. "We're going to watch a movie." Anzu, Joey and Tristian stared at Bakura as he began to scratch himself._

"_I brought pop-corn," Yami said as he stepped in. "It's freshly corny and freshly popped."_

"_Get out of my house!" Bakura roared. Yami put the pop-corn down, went to the bathroom, drank a Sprite, polished his shoes and then looked back at Bakura._

"_Make me!" he shouted. Bakura jumped on Yami the two punching and slapping each other, giving various intricate and highly sophisticated insults._

"_YOU'RE A DUMB HEAD!"_

"_YOU'RE A POOP HEAD!" There insults grew in complexity._

"_YOUR MAMA'S SO UGLY, SHE ENTERED AN UGLY CONTEST AND THEY SAID 'PLEASE, NO PROFESSIONALS'!" Yami gasped._

"_YOUR MAMA'S SO FAT SHE STOOD UP AND PEOPLE THOUGHT IT WAS A SOLAR ECLIPSE!" _

"_THAT WAS LAME!"_

_Malik and Marik walked in, not apologizing for being late. Marik cackled loudly for no reason and Joey threw a pillow at him. _

"_YOU'RE SO SMELLY," Yami and Bakura began. "THA-"_

"_Be quiet!" the others –minus Marik- shouted, throwing candy at the pair. Yami, Bakura and Marik looked up at the screen, gazing at a big-headed, green alien._

"_W-What is that?" the yami's asked._

"_It's ET," Joey said. "He's a friendly alien."_

_Marik and Yami nodded. Bakura snorted. "He needs plastic surgery," he mumbled. _

**:FLASHBACK END:**

"I remember that," Bakura mumbled.

"Oh yeah…." Marik said.

**:MARIK'S FLASHBACK:**

_A cup of milk tipped over and Marik sniffed; there was no more chocolate syrup._

**:END FLASHBACK:**

The alien's saliva dripped onto Malik's shoulder. "That's kind of nasty….relative of ET," he said, stepping to the side. Marik clutched his Hikari.

"I don't think he's ET," he sniffed. "He's scaring me."

"Then scare him back stupid, you are the main villain for a whole season; you can do creepy stuff," Bakura reminded him. Malik and Marik looked confused. Bakura wished that Ryou didn't keep the hoe; if he had it he would have hit Marik and Malik with it. "Do the tongue thing, or the stretchy face thing."

"Oh yeah!" Marik cackled darkly, eyes growing bloodshot and wide as he moved his tongue in a freakish manner. The alien dropped to the ground and curled into a ball, whimpering and sniffing.

"We did it! We saved the earth! Mel Gibson would be so proud!" Bakura held Malik's shoulder.

"Don't let Marik watch 'Signs' anymore," he advised. Malik nodded, grabbing his yami's collar.

"I DID YOU PROUD MR.GIBSON!"

…………………………………………………

Ryou decided not to snitch on Marik and Malik as the others complained of dead animals on their doorsteps.

"First one this week," Serenity said.

"It's only Monday," Joey reminded her from the reigns.

"The week begins on Sunday!"

Ryou sighed as they pulled the cart into a space between a Jaguar and an Escalade. "I can't wait until I'm old enough to drive," Yugi said as they walked into the station.

"Yeah, Yug," Joey said. "So I can get something with figurative 'horse power', instead of a horse with power."

"You think you have a horse with power?" Anzu asked, pointing back to Joey's old, slow steed. "That's a horse with power." She pointed to a pair of totally black, Arabian stallions that were tied to a guard rail.

"Wow," Ryou said. "Those are really expensive, but they're the best horses…..on the planet."

"No wonder Kaiba's so rich."

"Why is Kaiba so rich?" a random hobo asked.

"Because he breeds, and sells Arabian horses," Joey sighed, paying no attention as the hobo dug around in his pocket and took a five dollar bill. The hobo walked off, in the direction of the horses.

"Do the owners actually think that people will listen to a sign that says 'Don't touch the horses'?" Joey asked. The hobo walked up to the horse and touched its long tail, before suddenly catching fire, the horse kicking him across the parking lot.

"I'll listen," Ryou said. **O.0;;;;**

"To what?' Tristian asked.

"Hey Tristian, when did you get off the train?" Yugi asked as they dragged his luggage back to the cart.

"A while ago, I was just standing there with no real aim or purpose, staring into space and looking at the arrival board in the station."

"That makes sense," Anzu said, Joey glaring at Tristian as he attempted to sit next to Serenity.

"Help me with the reigns sis," Joey said, Serenity nodding and coming to sit beside him.

"Those guys should listen to the sign," Serenity said as two people glided towards the horses. They wore long cloaks, one of dark purple and the other of black. Their faces were hidden by their hoods, the only baggage they each carried being a saddle, reigns and two storage pockets that hung on either side of the horse.

"Hey," Yugi began to shout. They did not pay him any attention as they fitted the horses in silence and climbed up on them, the pointy-haired planter catching a glimpse of wooden sandals and lavender sock from under the purple robe, and metal capped, mid-night blue boots from under the black cloak.

The horses reared and a tree behind them caught fire, the strangers jumping the hedge and taking off down the road. "Wow," Anzu said. "THEY'LL MAKE GREAT FRIENDS!"

…………………………………………………

"This isn't sanitary," Kaiba mumbled, wondering why he had come to Yugi's milking party. They were in the door way of Yugi's barn that was full of hay and a bit of farming equipment. Bottle upon bottle of fresh milk sat on the table, various types of syrup around them. Yugi had his milking party; a party where he would invite people over to help him milk his cows using basic milking technology, and then everyone would drink as much milk –plain or flavored- as possible.

Mokuba and Joey were smacking each other, insisting that they would get the cream from the next bottle of milk. Mai kept on telling Ryou that he had great bone structure and great hair and that he should sign up for the Mr. Harvest competition and that he might even have a shot at the Miss. Harvest competition.

Bakura and Marik were on the second floor of the barn; it wasn't a whole floor but what Malik insisted was called a 'semi-floor'. It was only around three sides of the barn, allowing one to see what was happening below. Kaiba turned away from the party scene as Yugi swung his belt around over his head.

"This is SeaEO, I read you, OVER," he said into the walkie-talkie.

"SeaEO this is Stalactite, OVER," Malik said into the walkie-talkie.

"Report."

"Agents Stalagmite and Eclipse are approaching the domain of subject PPPP. Agents Lumino and Bin Laden a-"

"BIN LADEN!" Kaiba shouted. Yugi looked at Kaiba from the table where he was still swinging his belt. Kaiba coughed and snapped at them, everyone turning away. "Who?"

"Mokuba wanted his new name to be Bin Laden instead of Caramel Dream."

Kaiba sweatdropped. "He picked that name so he'll have to live with it."

"He was drunk."

"I told him not to go partying with Shadi the mysterious salesman, Roland and Pegasus; so now he'll have to live with his Secret Farmer Co-Op name. Anyway, continue."

"Caramel Dream and Lumino are also working on infiltration."

"Good. So what are you doing?"

"I'm drinking chocolate milk; Duh." Malik waved to him from where he was adding chocolate syrup to a huge glass of milk, everyone deciding to have a competition for biggest milk mustache.

Ryou and Mokuba snuck up to Yami and Yugi's back door, Ryou knowing that if he didn't help he would get an earful from Bakura. "Have you got a hairpin, Mo-Caramel Dream?" Ryou asked. Mokuba nodded and pulled a pin from his hair. Ryou examined the lock carefully before deciding how to break it. He grasped the handle firmly and fell forward; they had not even closed their door.

"We're in SeaEO," Mokuba said into his walkie-talkie as Marik and Bakura appeared, dressed in black cat suits and black goggles.

"That's disturbing," Ryou mumbled.

"You're right," Marik sighed, Bakura and himself ripping off the cat-suits to reveal black pants that had the bottoms tucked into shin-high, black, lace up, combat boots, short-sleeved turtlenecks that were also black, sleek black shades, and a black ski-cap for Bakura, and a black bandana for Marik.

"Now this is better," Bakura concluded. "Marik, let's synchronize our watches." Bakura looked at his wrist; he didn't have a watch. He shrugged.

"Wow," Mokuba said looking at Marik's high-tech looking watch. 'Did my brother give you money for that?"

Ryou slapped his forehead. "Nope," Marik said proudly, pulling up his pants for no reason, then pulling them down because he was giving himself a wedggie "I got it all by myself…..in the cereal box."

Bakura rolled his eyes, Ryou sighed but Mokuba nodded. "Cool….." Marik smirked.

"Yeah." He pulled the door closed and looked both ways, making signs to Bakura. Bakura nodded and did a back-flip.

"AHHHHHHHH!" he screamed loudly, running towards the door and kicking it. "MY LEG! MY LEG!" Bakura yelped, curling up in a ball. Ryou smacked Bakura's leg with the Hoe and opened the door.

"SeaEO, this is Lumino, OVER," Ryou said into the walkie-talkie.

"What is that noise behind you?" Kaiba asked.

"Bakura hurt himself but we're in."

"I'll send Stalactite," Kaiba said. The CEO watched as Yugi began to pull off his shirt, insisting that he had gotten drunk off milk, syrup and marshmallows. Joey and Serenity were holding their stomachs as Mai and Malik had a drinking contest.

"BRING IT ON LAME-O!" the lip-stick wearing challenger boomed.

Mai stared a Malik and her eye twitched. They both downed another glass, Anzu shifting her bet from Mai to Malik. Kaiba walked over to Malik and smacked him with a fly swatter. "They need you," Kaiba grunted.

"BACK UP HUSSY! NO ONE TAKES ME AWAY FROM MY CROWN!" Kaiba left Malik alone, telling Ryou that they didn't need extra help.

"We're going to get his diary, taint his milk and leave," Ryou reminded the yami's. They shrugged, Bakura opening the fridge and digging through it for meet.

"Can I turn the light on?" Marik squeaked.

"No," Bakura said blankly, drinking a coke. Marik sniffed and sat in the corner, sucking his thumb and being useless. "Hikari, you get the diary, I'll do the milk, and Marik…you can take up space in the corner for a while because I'm sure that will surely lead to the Pharaoh's downfall."

Ryou crept upstairs and tripped over something on the floor. On the front of the book it said 'YAMI'S DIARY – Private and UNpublic. Don't look in it! OR I'LL MIND CRUSH YOU!'. Ryou picked it up and stared at it, walking downstairs and shoving it into Bakura's hands.

"I'm going back to the party," Ryou said. "Come on Marik." Marik stood up and knocked over the bin, picking up all off the garbage and throwing it up in the air. Bakura shrugged and slipped a pill into an open bottle of milk in the fridge, walking outside and slamming the door behind him.

"I showed you," Bakura said to the door, punching it and walking away.

On the other side of the farm, a shaggy haired boy pulled open the door, a few sleeping cows opening their eyes. "I love cows!" Mokuba said, petting a few of them before he ran out into the corn fields.

He turned quickly as something rustled behind him. "H-Hello?" he called. Anzu approached him and waved.

"What are you doing here?" Anzu asked.

"What are you doing here?"

"What are you doing here?"

"What are you doing here?"

"Both of you should get back to the party," Joey said appearing out of no where.

"How'd you do that?" Mokuba questioned. "You know, just appear out of no where…."

"It's easy. You just have to wait until people are doing things that are pointless but take up all their attention and walk up quietly. They're usually too involved in their own nonsense to notice you coming." They nodded and followed Joey back to the party.

"Want a belly dance, Bakura honey?' Yugi asked with a slur, tripping over Tristian and falling on Bakura. "I love your new clothes!"

Bakura screamed and threw Yugi off of him, scratching himself feverishly. "STAY AWAY FROM ME!" Bakura yelled. Yugi gave him a thumbs up before tripping over a bail of hay and falling asleep.

"Let's go, Mokuba," Kaiba said quickly, snapping his fingers. Mokuba nodded and waved goodbye before a jeep crashed through Yugi's gate, the door opened and the Kaiba brothers stepped in, they drove away and two figures appeared and rebuilt the gate immediately.

"BYE MOKUBA!" Serenity shouted.

…………………………………………………

A turbaned figure climbed out of a carriage, saying nothing to the driver as it disappeared around the corner. The wind blew his white robes slightly as he picked up two of his bags. The night was cool and calm as he walked towards the farming town of Domino, decade items stashed safely away. A goat bleated in the distance, the mysterious man watching as a goat rose into the air and was sucked into a floating craft. Oh well. He stubbed his toe on a rock and sighed as his briefcase fell to the floor, its contents spilling onto the road. "By the light of Ra," he gasped, picking up the precious cargo. "That was my last mascara sample!"

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

**Yami AJ: ** XD Yes, it was dumb!

**Peggy::shakes head:** Is it a good idea to let you write the chapters?

**Yami AJ**: **:shrug:** I haven't received a flame on either of the other fics…This will probably be the first **n.n.** Oh yes, this is Yami AJ's yami, Ash!

**Ash: :stares and walks away:**

**Yami AJ**: And this is Asami! She's Peggy's!

**Asami**: Hi! I'm more social than Ash-

**Ash: :glare, flames rage in background:**

**Asami: ** Anyway, how was it?

**Bakura:** That sucked.

**Yugi**: WAHHHHHHHHH! YAMI HIT ET! **:cries:**

**Nearly everyone else::glares at Yami:**

**Yami AJ**: Please read and review! It'll get better I promise! Can I have **five** reviews? Pretty, pretty please?

**Peggy:** NOT JUST FIVE! TEN!

**Asami:** NOT JUST TEN, TWENTY!

**Peggy and Asami**: NOT JUST TWE- **:Ash pushes them in a corner:**

Ash: Five reviews if you please

**All:** THANKIES!

**Yami AJ**: FORGIVE THE RANDOMNESS!

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

_Peace out!_


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